Picard, Van Halen, and the Multiverse

Bad Bass Players Compromise the Fabric of the Universe

The second season of “Picard” posits a dystopian, fascist galaxy in a universe parallel to the lefty wet dream of the “Federation.” This counter-factual universe occurs because a single event in 2024 LA.

Listening to Van Halen’s catalogue after Eddie’s untimely death calls to mind a hypothetical in the spirit of “Picard.” What if, in 1974, someone Eddie and Alex knew and respected took them aside and said, “you know your bass player sucks, right?”

Rock guitarists need strong bass players. Alex Lifeson? Geddy Lee. Steve Howe? Chris Squire (RIP).

“Panama” is one of Van Halen’s iconic songs, featuring Alex dropping bombs while Eddie growls and squeals. The song suffers from a weak heart, however, as the bass clomps a picked tonic note on the downbeats.

Can you imagine Eddie’s insane virtuosity with a Geddy Lee figure offering counterpoint?

I wonder what it’s like in the “Van Halen has a good bass player” universe. I bet Trump lost there.