Ask Roscoe: A Child Confronts Mortality in a Cold, Uncaring Universe

Also, Resolving a Romantic Quandary in West Virginia

Roscoe is not a licensed therapist, nor does he have a college degree.  He went to Juco for awhile but decided he didn’t need to pay money to have some candyass teach him shit nobody cares about.  He knows however, what the fuck you should do in a given situation.

Dear Roscoe:

I am 12 years old.  Last week the hamster my mom and I bought together died.  I loved Benny and I cried real hard when he died.  I thought Mom loved him too, but when I called her at work she acted like it wasn’t a big deal at all and even seemed mad I made her come out of her stupid meeting to tell her Benny died.  

Was Mom only pretending to care about Benny?  Is she only pretending to care about me?  Would she come out of her stupid meeting if I died?

Signed,

Missing Benny in Baltimore

Dear Missing Benny:

Your mom loved Benny.  She wasn’t pretending about that or about loving you, and I promise if anything happened to you she’d be more sad than you can even imagine.

You see sweetheart, you were right to love Benny …